The imposters headed for Foster farms in a 1967 Plymouth Belvedere fully stocked with junk food. The plan: pass as Foster Farms chickens. Only 1,803 miles and countless failed schemes stood between the Imposters and their destination.

Believed to have sought medical assistance in a misguided attempt to meet Foster Farms' strict quality standards. A shady doctor and some plumping were involved - neither of which Foster Farms would ever endorse. The procedure was not a success by any reasonable medical or poultry standard.

Confirmed sighting at a grocery store. Still noticeably plump, the Imposters attempted to pass themselves off as premium Foster Farms chickens. Fortunately for shoppers, truth has a way of leaking out. Unfortunately, the leak was literal.

In an attempt to arrive at Foster Farms faster - and fresher - the Imposters boarded a commercial flight. In a major setback, the flight was diverted to Minneapolis. Witness testimony suggests the Imposters viewed the in-flight snacks as insufficient.

Sources indicate the Imposters attempted to steal an official quality certification seal, apparently believing that certification was something you could just take. Thanks to their natural inclination toward clumsiness and some well-placed security lasers, the mission was ultimately impossible.

In an attempt to pass as naturally active, combined with a cross-country travel strategy, the Imposters embarked on a mountain biking excursion. They say once you learn to ride a bike you never forget. The Imposters skipped the “learning” part.

In what appears to have been a brief pivot toward legitimacy, the Imposters applied for jobs at a Foster Farms-adjacent facility. Faced with the prospect of hormone and steroid testing, the Imposters left the building at a pace best described as urgent.

Confirmed sightings became rare. Rumored to have broken down somewhere in the Western United States. Whereabouts otherwise unknown. What is known: They're still out there. And they're not Foster Farms chickens.